Good To You
by Meghanav3
Summary: When Kensi falls into the arms of the wrong man, the complications keep getting worse and worse.
1. Innocence

Good To You

**Prologue**

**Summary:** When Kensi falls into the wrong mans arms, the complications keep getting worse and worse.

**Characters:** Kensi Blye, Marty Deeks, G Callen, Sam Hanna, Eric Beale, Nell Jones, Hetty Lange,

**Disclaimer:** I do not own NCISLA or its characters.

**Rating:** Not sure. PG-13/R to be on the safe side.

**Chapter One - "Innocence"**

She needed comfort, maybe they both did. Their partners had nearly died and neither of them really knew how to deal with it. Her partner pushed her away and he just needed someone to talk to. His partner had left and she knew he blamed myself for everything. This led them into each other arms. She regretted it the moment it happened, she wasn't to sure about him. She wasn't going to ask, she was going to pretend it never happened and things would go back to the way they should be. Nothing ever seems to happen the way you want it too. She sat there on the floor in her bathroom, trying so hard to pull herself together. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Things weren't supposed to be like this. She wanted so badly to turn back the clock, redo the things she should have done the first time. She then heard this soft knock on her door. She got up from the floor, looked in the mirror and wiped away the tears. She made sure she looked like she hadn't been crying, before walking out of the bathroom. Whoever it was she wasn't about to let them know she was upset or crying. Once she got to the door she took one more deep breath, before opening it. She was shocked to find him standing on the other side.

"Deeks" she said, not really sure what else to say. She quickly wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. She had never been so happy to see him at her door.

"It's nice to see you too Kensi" Deeks said in a soft voice. Kensi pulled back and looked at him.

"Is everything okay?" Kensi asked him.

"Yeah it's fine" Deeks said to her. Kensi could see something was up; she just wasn't sure what it was. "I just needed to talk to you."

"Okay" Kensi said. She then moved out of the way to let him in. As he entered she couldn't help but watch him. She had feared this day would come. The day Deeks said he couldn't take it anymore and was leaving the team. She could just feel that was what he was going to say.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I have been acting" Deeks said to her. "Before you say anything, I've been a complete jerk… asshole. You didn't deserve any of that and I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize Deeks. After what you went through, none of us can blame you or Sam" Kensi said. She walked over to him and took her his hand in hers. "You dealt with it the way you needed to deal with it. Do I wish you would have come to me, yes, but it's not the type of person you are. Do know I am here."

"I know" Deeks said to her. "Thank you Kensi."

"Anytime" Kensi said with a half smile.

"Everything okay Kens?" Deeks said to her. Kensi tried so hard to hold herself together. It had been forever since Deeks had called her that. Not like he did much, he had other nicknames for her. It was him that called her that, and she couldn't help but think about what she knew was the biggest myself of her life.

"_Kens" He said to her. Kensi sat on the opposite side of the bed. When her reached over to touch her shoulder, she pulled away. _

"_Just don't Callen" Kensi said. She wrapped the sheet around her and got up from the bed. She turned and looked at Callen. "This shouldn't have happened. We…" Kensi said as the emotion was starting to take over. _

"_We've known each other a long time. You leaned on me when you needed someone to listen," Callen said as he started getting dressed. _

"_That is just it Callen, I didn't lean on you. It went far beyond that," Kensi said to him. "You just need to leave."_

"_Kensi" Callen said to her. _

"_Just leave Callen. Just leave" Kensi said. Callen then gather up his stuff. He looked at Kensi giving her this I'm sorry look before leaving. Kensi collapses to the floor crying. _

"Kensi" Deeks said again.

"What?" Kensi said snapping out of her thoughts.

"I asked if everything was okay?" Deeks said to her. "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine. Just been worried about you," Kensi said to him. She knew that wasn't the truth at all. It was what she was going to make him believe. "When you showed up here, I thought for sure you were telling me you were leaving. I'm just not ready to loose you yet."

"I'm not going anywhere," Deeks said to her. "In fact Nate thinks I'm ready to go back to work. I'll be back on Monday."

"That's great" Kensi said with a smile. "It's been pretty lonely without you and Sam."

"Have you heard from Sam?" Deeks questioned.

"No, him and Michelle took a extended family vacation" Kensi said to him. "When you nearly lose the person you love you tend not to want to be away from them." Kensi looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with Deeks.

"I don't blame him," Deeks said to him. "I just wanted to see how he was doing. Would Callen know?" Kensi headshot back up and she looked at Deeks.

"Callen…. I… I don't think so," Kensi said. She was trying to hardest not to know he was a subject she really didn't want to bring up or talk about. "Hetty may know. Have you spoken to her?"

"I actually just came from seeing her," Deeks said. "The ninja that she is, she knew just about everything I was going to say before I said it."

"She didn't mention anything about Sam?" Kensi asked.

"No" Deeks said. "I just figured since Callen is Sam's partner he might know something."

"He doesn't tell me anything, you know he's not the one to let people in," Kensi said.

"He's not the only one" Deeks said, under his breathe. "I guess I'll talk to him myself. When I get back to work."

"Yeah" Kensi said. "I know you said Nate said you were ready, but are you sure you're ready?"

"I'd be lying if I said it's going to be easy," Deeks said to her. "I'm not trying to compare the two, but was it easy for you to go back to work after you lost your partner and friend?"

"Deeks, that's…" Kensi started to say.

"Complete different? Maybe, but the point I am making is that it's hard at first. You just need to get back in the game before you figure out if you want to leave or stay." Deeks said to her.

"When did you get so wise?" Kensi asked with a small laugh.

"I've had a lot of time to think to myself," Deeks said to her.

"I'm glad you'll be back," Kensi said to him not really sure what else to say.

"I don't want things to be weird between us," Deeks said to her.

"Why would they be weird?" Kensi asked him. She was hoping he wasn't talking about what she thought he was talking about. She just needed no one to know about that night.

"We haven't talked in months really," Deeks said to her. "The last real conversation was before everything happened. There was also that kiss."

"I'm willing to put it in the past if you are" Kensi said. Not really sure why she said it, but she couldn't take it back now.

"If that is what you want." Deeks said.

'No' Kensi's mind was screaming. "Fresh start." Kensi said.

"Fresh Start" Deeks said.

* * *

AN: Italic are flashbacks. So this is my first NCISLA stay so be kind. I started writing it before the Season Premiere, so sadly the amazing Densi moment at the end of the season premiere did not happen in this story. I tried to see if I could work it in, but didn't work.


	2. Wreaking Ball

**Chapter Two - "Wreaking Ball"**

Kensi walked into the bullpen fully prepare to grab her stuff and go, only she realized it would make matters far worse then they were to begin with. She just didn't know how she was going to get through the day, now with it being Deeks first day back. She had been avoiding Callen for weeks and now with Deeks back, it was just going to complicate things more. Things were never supposed to be like this and yet here they were. Kensi knew she was going to need to figure this all out, she just didn't know how she was going to do that. She then heard a few voices; she looked over to see Callen and Sam walking down the hall. She couldn't help but smile to see Sam. She thought maybe there was hope to getting things back to normal.

"Welcome back Sam" Kensi said as Callen and Sam entered the bullpen. "Did you and Michelle have a good vacation?"

"We did. The kids enjoyed it too," Sam said. "I think Michelle even promised them another one soon."

"I'm sure she doesn't want to be away from them again," Callen said.

"Can you really blame her?" Kensi said.

"This has been a part of our lives, it isn't something new" Sam said. "I'm just grateful for what I have."

"You didn't miss anything around here," Kensi said to him. "Since you and Deeks were on leave, the case load wasn't as big."

"How's he doing?" Sam asked.

"He seems okay," Kensi said.

"You've talk to him?" Callen asked slightly surprised.

"Yeah he stopped by my place last night. Said he was coming back," Kensi said.

"That's good," Sam said.

"I'm going to…" Kensi said before getting up and walked out of the bullpen. She just needed to get away.

"Did I miss something?" Sam asked.

"No" Callen answered.

"What no cake?" Deeks asked as he walked into the bullpen. He looked away to see a very tense situation. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No" Callen said. Sam got up from his chair and walked over to Deeks.

"Welcome back Deeks," Sam said as he reached out his hand. Deeks took his hand in his and the two shook.

"Thank you," Deeks said. Sam then walked back over to his chair. Deeks made his way to his desk.

"Welcome back" Callen said.

"Is Kensi here yet?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah she actually just took off a couple of minutes ago" Sam said.

"Is everything okay with her?" Deeks asked Callen.

"Why are you asking?" Callen questioned.

"When I went to apologize to her last night, she seemed off," Deeks said to them. "I completely understand if she is pissed off at me, but I just… I wanted to know she's okay. Not like I have the right to ask."

"She understands you were going through something she couldn't understand," Callen said. "Just give her time, I'm sure things will go back to the way they used to be."

"I hope so," Deeks said.

Kensi was punching the punching bag. After she had left the guys she had changed into her workout clothes and headed into the gym. She was hoping it would make it feel better, but it only made things worse. This was giving her time to think about everything. Each event just played back in her mind over and over again.

"_You never ever ever know what the hell you're talking about because you never say what you mean." Kensi said as she got up and stormed off to her bike. She sits down and started to put her helmet back on. Deeks gets up and walked over to her. "It's so frustrating, it's like working with a fourteen…" He cuts her off by pulling her into a kiss. _

"_How's that for communication?" Deeks asks as he pulled away from the kiss. _

Kensi started punching the bag harder then before. She was trying to focus her emotions in her punches. She knew in the back of her mind she was going to hate herself for this in the morning, but she just wanted to get this out not.

"_It's just so frustrating knowing he not talking to me," Kensi said to Callen. He sat on her couch, while she paced back and forth. "He's supposed to be my partner and right now it feels like he's trying to run as far away from me as he can." _

"_He's just trying to figure this all out," Callen got up from the couch and walked over to Kensi. He stopped her from continuing to pace. "You just need to let him do this."_

"_So I'm just supposed to watch my partner fall apart and not do anything?" Kensi said as tears started to form in her eyes. _

"_Sometimes it's not as simple as we want it to be," Callen said to her. _

"_I don't know what to do or how to help him," Kensi said to him. Callen pulled her into a hug. _

"_It will be okay," Callen said to her. Kensi pulled back slightly and looked at Callen. _

"_You've always been there for me," Kensi said to him. "I just…" she started to say as she leaned in and kissed him. She then felt him pull her closer and deepen the kiss. _

Kensi kept hitting the bag. It was most now she had her focus on someone and hitting them. As she kept hitting the bag her emotions were starting to get the best of her. She was determined not to let them win.

"_We didn't do anything wrong" Callen said to Kensi. She knew everything about this was wrong._ _"Kens" He said to her. Kensi sat on the opposite side of the bed. When her reached over to touch her shoulder, she pulled away. _

"_Just don't Callen" Kensi said. She wrapped the sheet around her and got up from the bed. She turned and looked at Callen. "This shouldn't have happened. We…" Kensi said as the emotion was starting to take over. _

"_It wasn't supposed to happen this way, working on the same task force side by side, seven days a week months on end. They feel in love." Callen said, as Kensi watch Sam walk off with Deeks standing next to her. She couldn't help but think about what else Sam might be keeping from them, and about her own partner. _

"_Don't worry Fern I'll be back," Deeks said as he put his sunglasses on and walked over to the car. Kensi couldn't help but laugh and smile. _

"_You're the one that never says what he means," Kensi snapped at him. She just wanted him to say something, but he just couldn't or wouldn't find the words. _

"_That's not true," Deeks said back to her. _

Kensi punched the bag a few more times before she let her emotions get the better of her. She dropped her head and just the tears fall. She was glad that for once the gym was empty, so no one would see her break down. The last thing she wanted was for someone to come and see her crying. This was just something she needed to do; she hoped just maybe this would help.

* * *

AN: Italics are flashbacks. The last part is supposed to be like the scenes playing in her head, from one moment to the next.


	3. Crawl

**Chapter Three - "Crawl"**

Kensi had gone back to her workout. She knew this time it wasn't about forgetting, but about keeping his mind on something else. That was until Eric, Nell or Hetty came to tell her they had a case. She had heard the footsteps when a pain stopped her in her tracks. She backed up slightly and bent over. The person rushed over to her.

"Kensi" the male voice said as he placed her hand on her back.

"I'm fine," Kensi said pulling away from them. She looked up to see Deeks standing there. "When did you get in?"

"About an hour ago," Deeks said to her.

"I'm sorry," Kensi said to him. "I guess I just got into the work out."

"Yeah it looked like it," Deeks said. "I know last night we said fresh start, I just wanted to make sure we were good."

"I'm good if you're good," Kensi said to him. It had been there thing before everything went down. She knew that wasn't what he meant, but it was what came out.

"I'm good" Deeks said.

"Good" Kensi said. Kensi turned away from Deeks and the pain hit her again. She tried her best to hide it.

"Are you okay?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah I'm fine," Kensi said lying. "I think I might have pulled something."

"Maybe you should sit down?" Deeks said.

"I'll be fine. Just need to work through it," Kensi said. Deeks wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words to say. He turned around and headed toward the door. He then stopped just before and turned back to Kensi.

"I get you are most likely still upset with me," Deeks started to say. "You have every right to be, when I came to see you last time I meant it when I said I was sorry. There was a lot of things happening and honestly I didn't know how to deal with them all."

"Deeks…" Kensi tried to say as she turned to look at him.

"Let me finish," Deeks said cutting her off. "You said to me that I never say what I mean, well here it is. I don't think I could have gotten through this without you. Even though I pushed you away, in my mind knowing I'd be coming back to work and coming back to my partner is what got me through," Deeks said to her. "Getting back to you was all I thought about. Not being about to hear your laugh, or see you smile or even make those silly jokes. It's what kept me going. I just wanted you to know that."

"Deeks..." Kensi said. She was tried her hardest not to cry. She walked over to him. "I'm not mad at you, I never was. It hurt knowing you pushed me away, but I understood it too."

"Then why this whole push to make it seem as if everything was the way it used to be?" Deeks asked her.

"Because it means I didn't screw up everything," Kensi said to him. "That I didn't throw away the only good thing I had in my life."

"What are you talking about?" Deeks said.

"I…I…I need to go" Kensi said, before talking off. She couldn't do this, not now. Deeks had just put his heart on the line and here she was about to crush everything. She needed to get away, just away from everything. As she was rushing out of the building she ran right into Callen.

"Kensi" Callen said stopping her, when she clearly wanted to be anywhere but here right now. "Is everything okay?"

"Is everything okay? Are you really asking me that right now?" Kensi snapped at him. "No, everything is not okay. I threw away whatever chance I had with Deeks the moment I slept with you. I can't and I won't be here another day pretending everything is okay."

"Kensi" Callen started to say.

"Don't Callen, just don't" Kensi said to him, moving away from him. "I threw it away, I threw it all away."

"You didn't throw anything away," Callen said. "We made a stupid choice, but we didn't' do anything wrong."

"Everything about it was wrong Callen," Kensi said to him. "I can't do this. I can't look Deeks in the eye and not feel guilty."

"Guilty of what Kensi?" Callen asked her. "You have nothing to feel guilty about."

"I can't do this" Kensi said, she really didn't hear about Callen had just said to her.

"Kensi what is really going on?" Callen asked her.

"I need to get out of here," Kensi said. She was slowly started to freak out. "I need…. I can't…"

"Kensi, take deep breaths," Callen said worried. She was trying to do what he said, but it just kept getting worse and worse. "Come with me." Callen then started to lead her back to the bullpen. When they got there, Sam and Deeks were talking. Callen lead Kensi in and over o the couch. Deeks got up and rushed over to her. "I need some help here"

"What's wrong?" Deeks asked.

"She's having a panic attack," Callen said.

"Kensi" Sam said walking over to them. Sam pulled a chair over and sat down right in front of Kensi. He took her hands in him. "Focus on me, okay." Kensi nodded. "Take deeps breaths. Close your eyes." Kensi closed her eyes. "Now think about the most peaceful place you know of. Put yourself there. There is no one else there but you." Sam said to her. Kensi started to calm down.

"Where did you learn that?" Deeks question.

"The Navy," Sam said. Kensi opened her eyes, as she was able to calm herself down. "You're okay."

"I don't… I just…" Kensi said to say.

"Just keep breathing" Sam said to her.

"What happened?" Deeks answered.

"I don't know," Callen lied. Kensi looked up at him, wondering what he was going to say. "I was heading back here when I ran into Kensi."

"It's no big deal," Kensi said. "I think I just over whelmed myself. I don't think I'll be any help, maybe I should go home."

"If you have another panic attack?" Sam asked her.

"I'll just remember what you told me." Kensi said. "I just need to clear my head." Kensi then get up fro the couch and rushed to the door. Once she was outside of the Operation Center she felt as if she could breathe again. She knew deep down she was making this more then it was, but then there was the other part of her that knew this wasn't going to be easier. If anything it was going to get worse before it got better. Somehow she knew in the end she was going to be the one who lost.

* * *

AN: I can see things are a little split with the reviews. Figured people who either enjoy it or hate it. The story is supposed to be Kensi and Deeks, but had people wanted Kensi and Callen could go that way. For now it's Kensi and Deeks, or will be, it just might take some time. Can I just say the premiere and this weeks episode. Some great Densi moments. So excited for this season.


	4. Bruises

**Chapter Four - "Bruises"**

"If you are going to keep running off, I think you're going to need better hiding stops" Deeks said as he walked over to Kensi.

"I'm not trying to hide" Kensi said lying. She had run away from Deeks more then once today, not to mention ran away from Callen too. This last run away she finally had time to realize she was the one that was making matter worse.

"Could have fooled me," Deeks said. "We can all see something is going on Kensi. Whatever it is, you can tell us."

"And if telling you means I lose you then what?" Kensi said.

"What makes you think you'll lose me?" Deeks said.

"Because I was stupid. I screwed up," Kensi said to him.

"Kensi, you really aren't making any sense," Deeks said to her.

"There really no sense behind it anyways," Kensi said to him. "I slept with Callen."

"When?" was all Deeks could really say.

"It was about a month ago. You had told me to leave you alone, that…" Kensi started to say.

"I didn't want or need your help." Deeks said finishing what she was saying.

"Yeah… and with you and Sam gone, Callen and I really only had each other," Kensi said to him. "I regretted it the moment it happen. I don't even know why it happened. I was stupid. I know I screwed everything up," Kensi said trying not to get too emotional. She didn't want him to think she was crying just to get him to forgive her. She didn't expect him to forgive her. "I'm sorry Deeks."

"This explains a lot," Deeks said.

"I really did want to tell you," Kensi said to him. "I didn't expect you to show up last night and to come back today."

"Were you hoping I wasn't coming back at all?" Deeks asked her.

"Not hoping, more like worrying," Kensi said. "I was really starting to believe it had become all to much for you and you didn't want to come back."

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about not coming back," Deeks said. "But it was you the pulled me back."

"So does this change your mind?" Kensi asked him.

"It would make things easier," Deeks said.

"I guess that's it then," Kensi said. She then started to walk away from Deeks. He caught her arm and stopped her.

"If you really expect me to walk away then maybe you don't know me at all," Deeks said to her.

"How can you not want to?" Kensi said to him.

"Because of you," Deeks said to her. "And I can't… I won't walk away from that."

"So what are you saying?" Kensi asked him.

"I don't know yet," Deeks said to her. "But I need to know is this it. This isn't something right?"

"No" Kensi said on shaky breath.

"Kensi, I need the truth," Deeks asked her.

"I swear it was the one time thing and it will never happen again," Kensi said to him.

"But…" Deeks said.

"I'm pregnant" Kensi said to him. She really just wanted to walk away because she knew that was what Deeks was going to do. She had screwed up everything and it was what she deserved.

"How long have you known?" Deeks asked her, finally speaking after a long awkward silence.

"Not long" Kensi said.

"And it's…" Deeks started to ask.

"Yes" Kensi said. "I haven't told him yet and I know I have no right to ask but please don't say anything."

"I won't say anything," Deeks said to her.

"Thank you" Kensi said softly.

"I should get back in there," Deeks said to her.

"Go, I'm sure Hetty has a case waiting for everyone," Kensi said. Deeks then headed back into the building.

Deeks walked right back into the building heading straight to the bullpen. He saw Callen and Sam standing there leaning on their desk just talking. Deeks walked up to Callen and punched him in the face.

"What the hell Deeks?" Sam said.

"You bastard" Deeks snapped. "You are a self righteous asshole."

"What is going on here?" Hetty said. They all turned to see her standing in the bullpen.

"Do you even regret it?" Deeks asked Callen as he turned his attention back. He knew this was stupid to do, but he was just pissed off. "Or are you just going around like its no big deal."

"Deeks it's not what you think," Callen said to him.

"That isn't what I asked," Deeks snapped at him. "Do you regret it?"

"Could one of you explain what is going on?" Sam asked.

"Do you?" Deeks yelled at him.

"You need to calm down," Callen said.

"Don't tell me to calm down," Deeks said to him. "For one minute have you thought about the effects of this? Has it even accrued to you how this has affected her? Or is it that it's just not your problem anymore."

"She's my friend, I have known her a lot longer than you," Callen said to him.

"Yet I seem to know her better then you ever will," Deeks said.

"You are walking on thin ice Deeks," Callen said.

"And you're in for a rude awaking," Deeks said to him.

"You better watch yourself Deeks," Callen said.

"What on earth is going on?" Hetty said.

"Ask him," Deeks said before walking about of the bullpen.

"What just happened?" Sam asked.

"Personal things that won't get in the way again," Callen said. "Excuse me." Callen walked past Sam and Hetty out of the bullpen. He looked around the building and finally went outside to find Kensi just standing there. "Was that really necessary?" Kensi turned and looked at Callen.

"Was what?" Kensi asked him.

"I understand you regret what happened, but did you really need to send Deeks after me?" Callen asked him.

"Deeks did what?" Kensi asked.

"He just walked in and punched me. He went off on me Kensi," Callen said to her.

"I'm sorry Callen," Kensi said to him. "I told him the truth, I didn't know he's go after you. I told you I screwed this up."

"No we both did," Callen said. "We are equally to blame for this, maybe more so me because I let it happen. We aren't ready for this."

"No we aren't," Kensi said.

"I think we all need to take some time," Callen said. "If we can't find a common ground again we can't be a team."

"I think you right," Kensi said. "We all need sometime."

* * *

AN: So yes some reader were right, more on that later. Maybe a bit ooc, then again it is a fan fiction, I really wanted Deeks to punch Callen. I do have something planned, so bare with me, But I'm sure you'll either like it or hate. Also The next couple of characters will jump in time. It will go from present to past to present, I'll be sure to clue you in on the time jumps.


	5. Three Months and I'm Still Sober

**Chapter Five- "Three Months and I'm Still Sober"**

Kensi walked into her kitchen, she was wearing running clothes and she was already starting to show. It had been three months since everything happened that day. Kensi had given Hetty her request for leave and never looked back. Though she couldn't help by wonder how everything was going. No one had come looking for her, or tried to call her. Though she did temporarily move to another place under an alias, she really didn't want to be found not yet anyways. She knew this wasn't the way to do this, but it was the way she was doing it right now. She needed to give everyone time, time to figure things out, time to move on. Maybe if she ever went back, things could be okay again.

"We are going to go for a little run today" Kensi said to her stomach. She still really hadn't wrapped her mind around motherhood. Deeks had always been the one teasing her about babies, she hadn't really decided if she wanted kids or not. She grabbed a water from the fridge and took a sip. She placed it on the counter before grabbing her iPod and heading out the door. She then started on her normal routine, which would change as she got more down the road. She always made sure she changed it up, but there was one section she couldn't change. She got to the crosswalk that would lead her to the bike path she wanted to be on. Once the walk signal appeared she started to jog across the street. She never saw the car coming right at her.

Callen walked into the bullpen and placed his stuff down at his desk. He could see Sam was already there, but wasn't at his desk. He then headed off to find him, which lead him to the gym. Callen walked into the gym to see Sam and Deeks fighting it out, while their temp Agent stood and watched. It took a while, but after long talks with Hetty the three were able to find a way to work together. When Callen knew Deeks wasn't going to punch him again, he made sure they sat and talked it out. Callen wanted Deeks to know it was a mistake; him and Kensi were not thinking at the time. Callen told Deeks that whatever issues he had to put them on him not her. It took some time Deeks was able to think it over, so they could all get back to work.

They just didn't expect to have Kensi disappear. Hetty had told Sam and Callen on their first day back that Kensi had requested leave. Callen had passed the message on to Deeks. Deeks had an idea of what was going on, where as Sam and Callen were in the dark. After about a month and half without Kensi, Granger and Hetty assigned a temp agent, Mia Colter, to fill in. Deeks had gone looking for Kensi, but he also remembered that Kensi wouldn't want to be found until she was ready and needed a friend. He just continued to hope she would come back.

"I don't think this a fair fight," Callen said.

"It's all for fun," Mia said.

"Yeah G, all in good fun," Sam said.

"If Deeks gets hurt, he's asking for it," Callen said.

"I'll only hurt him a little," Sam said.

"You are needed up in OSP," Eric's voice said. Deeks and Sam stopped what they were going and then all turned and looked at Eric. "We have a case." They all processed to follow Eric up into OSP.

"At 8am this morning, there was a hit and run…" Hetty started to say.

"What does that have to do with us?" Deeks asked.

"Play the footage," Hetty said.

"Please note we only just got the footage," Eric said. He then turned back to his computer to bring up the traffic cam footage of the hit and run. He then brought up the time the needed and hit play. The all watched has the runner started to cross the street before getting hit by the car. Eric then paused the footage.

"The car had no plates on it…" Hetty said.

"It the women okay?" Deeks asked.

"She is in the hospital now, I have not been able to get more information," Hetty said. "Mr. Deeks I would like for you and Ms. Colter to go to the hospital and talk to the women. I believe they targeted her for a reason."

"What reason would that be?" Called asked.

"Because she is an NCIS Agent," Hetty said to him.

"Who?" Sam asked.

"I am unaware at this time, but I do believe whoever is after her thinks she knows more then she does," Hetty said.

"Mia and I will go talk to her and will make sure she had guards" Deeks said to Hetty. Deeks and Mia then headed out of OSP. Callen walked over to Hetty.

"What aren't you telling us?" Callen asked.

"You know everything I know as of right now," Hetty said to him.

"This has something to do with the Shalit case doesn't it?" Callen asked.

"I believe so, but I can not tell you for sure," Hetty said to him. "Take Mr. Hanna and canvas the area." Callen and Sam then headed out of OSP as well.

"What do you think this has to do with?" Mia asked as she and Deeks walked down the hall of the Hospital. They had been given the information on the victim, just not the name. Deeks was starting to wonder if this was another one of Hetty's mission to help someone who used to be on the team.

"We'll know more when we talk to the person," Deeks said. He had gotten used to Mia, he just still wished sometimes it was Kensi. It just wasn't the same dynamic between him and Mia, like there was with Kensi.

"I just know we are going in blind here, maybe it's for a reason," Mia said to him.

"There is always a reason Mia. Hetty doesn't do anything without having a reason for it," Deeks told her. They then arrived at the room. "This is it."

"How are we going to do this?" Mia asked.

"I'll ask her to the questions," Deeks said. "She'd be most likely to talk to LAPD about the hit and run then about government secrets. Lets roll with that."

"I'll follow your lead," Mia said. The two then headed into the room as Deeks pulled out his badge.

"LAPD we would like to ask you some…" Deeks started to say, but stopped the minute he saw who the patient was. "Kensi."

"Deeks," Kensi said softly. She had a broken leg and arm, and had cuts all over. "Are you working this case?"

"Yes," Deeks said. He just couldn't believe it was Kensi in the hospital bed. That video Hetty showed them this morning it was Kensi. He just couldn't wrap his mind around it. "NCIS is."

"What does it have to do with NCIS?" Kensi asked.

"You are an Agent are you not?" Deeks said.

"Do you two know each other?" Mia asked.

"Mia yes, this is my old partner Kensi Blye. Kensi this is my new partner Mia Colter," Deeks said.

"It's nice to meet you, just sorry it's under this circumstances," Mia said.

"As am I," Kensi said. "I put in leave. Kensi doesn't exist at this time, so how…?" Kensi started to ask.

"Hetty" Deeks said. "She didn't give us much to go on, just that the hit and run involved an NCIS Agent. Guess maybe she wanted me to see it was you or she thinks you might be a key to this."

"Hetty also believes you could be in danger," Mia added in.

"That too," Deeks said. "We have guards posted outside the room."

"Good," Kensi said.

"Kensi is…" Deeks started to ask.

"No," Kensi said shaking her head. Deeks could see she was hurting, and he wanted to comfort her. He just didn't really know given the situation.

"Maybe I should report back to Hetty," Mia said.

"No I'll go call Sam and Callen," Deeks said. Deeks then rushed out of the room. Deeks walked down to the waiting room and pulled out his phone. He dialed Callen's number, not really sure what to see to him.

"Did the victim give you anything to go on," Callen said.

"It's Kensi," Deeks said.

"What?" Callen

"The victim them from hit and run its Kensi," Deeks said to him. "She's in bad shape, but the doctor said she's going to make it."

"Hetty knew it was her," Callen said. "See if she knows anything, someone targeted her for a reason."

"We'll see what we can do," Deeks said. He then hung up the phone and headed back into the room.

"So Deeks throws me the bag, of course I missed and it went everywhere. Sam and Callen come rushing in to see what was going on. I'm completely mortified. So that was my first day on the job," Mia said to Kensi, who was now softly laughing at the story. Mia then heard footsteps. "So Ms. Blye did you see anything."

"It's Deeks," Kensi said to Mia.

"If I remember correctly you did catch the bag, you just dropped it seconds later," Deeks said.

"That's because you can't throw straight," Mia said to him. Kensi couldn't help but laugh. A few moments later she brought her free hand up to her side.

"Kensi you okay?" Deeks said. He rushed over to her side.

"Yeah" Kensi said. "Just hurts to laugh."

"Sorry" Mia said.

"It's okay," Kensi said to her. "Look I didn't see anything. I didn't even see the car coming. When I came too I was here."

"The last couple of days did you see anything out of the ordinary?" Deeks asked her.

"No" Kensi said. "I just…there was…" Kensi said slurring her words.

"Kensi" Deeks said worrying someone was wrong.

"He was…I…" Kensi started to say before her eyes closed and head fell to the side. The monitors started beeping.

"Kensi" Deeks said. "Mia get help now." Mia ran out of the room. "Kensi don't you dare do this to me. You have to fight, stay with me."

* * *

AN: like I said time jump. For a couple characters it will go back and forth between times, but will let you know if it's present time or back in time.


	6. Lightning

**Chapter Six- "Lightning"**

_Ten Weeks Ago_

It had been two weeks since everything in the bullpen happened. Deeks had decided it was better to stay away for a while instead of getting into another fight. Last thing he needed was for Hetty to fire him. He was just about to head out to surf when he heard a knock on the door. Part of him wanted it to be Kensi; he had found it strange he hadn't heard from her at all. He walked over to the door, opened it to find Callen standing on the other side.

"Hetty wants you back at work," Callen said not even bothering with the Hi, how's it going?

"So then why are you here and not her?" Deeks asked.

"Because we need to talk," Callen said as he walked into Deeks apartment. Deeks closed the door and turned to face Callen. "If we are going to work as a team again, we need to move past everything."

"Move past everything?" Deeks said. "That is kind of hard when the people you are supposed to trust betray you."

"You're angry, just let it out" Callen said to Deeks. "But just know it wasn't like we were trying to hurt you."

"Could have fooled me," Deeks said.

"I get that, but you put her through hell," Callen said. "When she found you, she thought you were dead and then in the hospital you shut her out. No matter what she did you pushed her away. I was just trying to be someone she could lean on when she had no one else." Callen explained her. "I care about Kensi, I always have and I always will. She felt she was losing you and at the time I was the one person she could count on. It was a stupid thing for us to do. Kensi was hurting and I know I shouldn't have let it go as far as it did." Callen continued to explain. "All I'm saying is just don't hate her, I don't care if you hate me but she needs you."

"If she needed me like you said she does, why isn't she here?" Deeks asked. "I haven't heard from her since she told me you two slept together."

"You haven't talk to her?" Callen asked.

"No," Deeks said. "I told her I needed time to think, but I thought she'd try and call at least."

"That isn't like Kensi," Callen said. "She barely put the phone down when she was worrying about you."

"So she hasn't called, maybe she's trying to give me the space I said I needed," Deeks said. "Maybe thinking history would repeat itself."

"And what about the rest of us" Callen asked

"What do you mean?" Deeks asked.

"She's gone," Callen said. "She asked Hetty for leave and she's hasn't returned."

"Has anyone gone to her place?" Deeks asked.

"The mails piling up, it doesn't look like she's moved," Callen said to him.

"Are you thinking she just took off?" Deeks said. He then remembered what else Kensi told him that night. Deeks started to wonder if she went into hiding to figure things out.

"We all know Kensi. If she wants to be found she'll be found. Right now I don't think she wants to be found. Can't really blame her," Callen said. "We 're just worried about her."

"She'll be fine" Deeks said. He was more hoping it, then really knowing if it was the truth. "She knows how to take care of herself."

"Yeah" Callen said in agreement. "Now the question is are you coming back?"

"I'm not going to lie to you and say I'm not still angry, because I am," Deeks said to him. "But how can I be when Kensi doesn't hate me. I know I was in a bad place…"

"Kensi understood that," Callen said.

"I still had no right to treat her the way I did. She tells me I don't have to apologize," Deeks said. "We weren't technically together and she could have lied to me. Told me it was because of a mission or never said a word at all. It hurts knowing you two slept together, but I think I'm starting to understand it more" Deeks said to Callen.

"If you have to leave trust me I'd understand," Callen said. "I wouldn't trust me either."

"I told Kensi I couldn't walk away from this and I wouldn't" Deeks said. "So I will be back."

"I will let Hetty know," Callen said. He then started to head to the door. He stopped and turned back. "She loves you."

"I know," Deeks said.

"Do you love her?" Callen asked.

"I've loved her a long time, I've just let other things get in the way," Deeks said. "I'm not going to let that happen again."

"She'll come back," Callen said.

"I know," Deeks said. He then walked out of the apartment.

* * *

An: I have a big paper due this week. So posting the chapter tonight instead of tomorrow night. Then will post the next hopefully Wednesday, if not Thursday night. Next character will be heavy on the Densi. This character is more of Deeks and Callen coming understanding, then Deeks forgiven him. This is just step one. Don't really want to explain everything, so if I don't really explain things in the chapter I'll try and explain here.


	7. Stay With Me

**Chapter Seven- "Stay With Me"**

_Present Time_.

It was only a few minutes before Mia came rushing back with the doctors and nurses. As they all came in Deeks and Mia were kicked out. Deeks tried to make his way back in but they wouldn't let him. He just ended up waiting down the hall to the waiting room. Things were finally starting to work again in his life. Everything that happened with the kidnapping was starting to become even more of a distant memory. He was finally letting go of what happened between Kensi and Callen. Now Kensi was broke back into his life and if she was taken away he knew he's never forgive himself for never say the three words he should have said a long long time ago. Deeks walked over to the window and just looked out it, staring out into the day.

_**Raindrops fall from everywhere  
I reach out for you but you're not there  
So I stood waiting in the dark  
With your picture in my hands, story of a broken heart**_

"_Are you sure it wasn't you, because the guy had you same little surfer drawl," Callen said to Deeks as then walked towards the bullpen. _

"_I do not speak with a drawl," Deeks said, as they made their way into the bullpen. _

"_The way you just said drawl, you said it with a drawl," Kensi said jumping into the conversation. She was standing by her desk reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee. "What are we talking about?"_

"_Nothing, we are talking about absolutely nothing," Deeks said as he took his bad off and sat down at his desk. _

"_Someone called into a talk radio show last night, sounded exactly like Deeks," Callen said. _

"_Did he now," Kensi said as she sat down. "What was he calling about?"_

"_Oh he just wanted to talk about his feelings," Callen said as he walked over to his desk to sit down. "For a co-worker." Deeks dropped his head and Kensi perked up. _

"_Don't you think it's strange that Callen is a talk radio guy?" Deeks said trying to change the subject and move away from the caller. _

"_Why's that?" Callen asked. _

"_I don't know I always kind of considered you as a ah, you know a TV static white noise kind of guy," Deeks said. _

"_I have no idea what you are talking about," Callen said. _

"_Well I am a man of mystery," Deeks said. _

"_Mystery or misery?" Kensi asked. _

"_Uh it's going to be that kind of day isn't it," Deeks said. _

_**Stay with me, don't let me go  
'Cause I can't be without you  
Just stay with me and hold me close  
Because I've built my world around you  
And I don't wanna know what it's like without you  
So stay with me, just stay with me**_

"_No No No Deeks, I know that they want you to bring me in…" Kensi started to say. _

"_I'm not talking about what they want, forget what they want. I'm talking about us," Deeks said to her. "Alright right I'm your partner, what makes you think I'm going to let you do this by yourself?" _

"_Because you're my partner, and this is my mother and you're the only person I trust," Kensi said to him. _

"_Okay I'll keep her safe," Deeks said to her. _

"_Thank you," Kensi said. "I will come back in when I talk to Megan Stevens, that's a promise." Kensi said as he started to leave._

"_Wait, what do you want me to say to your mother?" Deeks asked her. "Like what am I… what am I supposed to say to her? That you're gonna see her soon? That you care about her? That you love her? Like what am I supposed to say?"_

"_I don't know," Kensi said before leaving. _

"_Okay," Deeks said after she left. _

_**I'm trying and hoping for the day  
When my touch is enough to take the pain away  
'Cause I've searched for so long, the answer is clear  
We'll be okay if we don't let it disappear**_

"_Here's a million dollar question, do you remember what he was wearing?" Brett asked Kensi. _

"_White t-shirt, red shorts, black socks" Kensi said instantly. _

"_Wow that's actually quite impressive," Deeks said stunned she remembered. _

"_And Melissa what was she wearing" Polina asked. _

"_Are you trying to get me in trouble there is no possible way I could remember that," Deeks said. Kensi was a little disappointed. "Black tank top, jeans, bag that goes across the shoulder, hair down wavy" Deeks said. Kensi couldn't help but smile that he remembered too. _

"_Boy you guys are too cute," Polina said. _

"_Mostly her" Deeks said. _

"_So when did you first know she was the one?" Brett asked Deeks. But before he could answer the oven timer went off. _

"_Oh thank you for that, saved by the bell," Deeks said. _

_**Stay with me, don't let me go  
'Cause I can't be without you  
Stay with me and hold me close  
Because I've built my world around you**_

"_Anyone tell you have cute you are when you're homicidally angry?" Deeks said to Kensi. _

"_I'm not angry," Kensi said to him. "In fact I could slit your jugular vain eleven different ways from where I am sitting and I wouldn't lose my temper."_

"_All right," Deeks said. "Well I'm sorry I had to lie to you. I was protecting you."_

"_Protecting me?" Kensi said. _

"_Us," Deeks responded. _

"_Us?" Kensi said. _

"_Our thing," Deeks said. _

"_Whoa so there is a thing?" Kensi questioned. _

"_Can we not talk about this right now?" Deeks asked. "I Just…. maybe we can do it over drinks or something?"_

"_No I have plans," Kensi said._

"_Well then..." Deeks started to say._

"_Every night for the rest of my life," Kensi said. Deeks laugh slightly. _

_**And I don't wanna know what it's like without you  
Stay with me, just stay with me**_

"_She chose her life just let we do," Deeks said as he brought over a cup of tea to Kensi, she was icing her arm with a frozen bag of peas. _

"_Yeah but all she wanted was a family," Kensi said. "You know I actually thought I'd hate it here. I family, kids running around, happily married couple thing. It's actually kind of comforting. And it is nice to have someone to say goodnight to at the end of the day."_

"_What's happening here?" Deeks asked. "Kensi Blye going all soft on me?" _

"_No" Kensi said. _

"_Next now you're gonna want little kids running around. Little mutant ninja assassins" Deeks said. _

"_Hey" Kensi said as she kicked him. _

"_What I'm just saying, for the record that if that's something you want to do I could help with that. From a technically stand point, I'm the husband with means I have part of my body that are able…" Deeks said before he could finish something crashed through the window send both Deeks and Kensi to the ground. The quickly pulled out their guns and aimed it at the crash, only to find a young boy standing there. _

_**I've searched my heart over so many, many times  
No you and I is like no stars to light the sky at night  
Our picture hangs up to remind me of the days  
You promised me we'd always be and never go away  
That's why I need you to stay**_

"_If you ever need anything…" Kensi started to say as she made her way from her desk, over to Deeks._

"_I know" Deeks said. _

"_I'll be..." Kensi said. _

"_Right." Deeks said. _

"_That's all you have to say?" Kensi said disappointed._

"_I don't know what you want me to say right now," Deeks said as he turned to pick up his box of stuff. "This isn't easy for me either."_

"_I have something to say. And I think if I don't say it now I probably never will. So just give me the chance," Kensi said. "Go ahead and say it."_

"_I don't know if this is the right time to say it, this…" Deeks said. _

"_Well it is what it is…" Kensi said. _

"_Right and we are what we are," Deeks said in response. _

"_We were what we were and it's over now," Kensi said. "I just… I kind of hoped you'd have more to say."_

"_I don't know, I mean I just think it takes maybe more time for me to process it," Deeks said to her. "Okay well then I will… uh... I'll call you."_

"_You'll call me?" Kensi said annoyed. _

"_Yeah, I said I'll call you and we will figure it out," Deeks said. _

"_Figure it out," Kensi said. _

"_Exactly. We always do," Deeks said. _

"_Right" Kensi said as she watched him walk away. _

_**Stay with me, don't let me go  
'Cause I can't be without you  
Stay with me and hold me close  
Because I've built my world around you**_

"_This guy is a cold blooded killer, you could be walking into a trap," Nell said to Kensi. She had just gotten a call from the guy they were after, saying he had a job for Kensi. She remembered from earlier how he had killed he old partner in cold blood right in front of her. Kensi turned back to the screen in OSP. Deeks stood right next to her looking from the screen to her. _

"_I'm gonna be with you every step of the way, even if you don't see me I'll be there," Deeks said to her. _

"_He caught be off guard once, it's not gonna happen again," Kensi said to him. _

"_I know" Deeks said. _

"_Lets go" Kensi said before heading out of OSP._

"_Okay" Deeks said. He watched Kensi leave, stay for a moment. He looked at Hetty, before following behind. _

_**And I don't wanna know what it's like without you  
Stay with me, stay, stay yeah yeah  
Don't leave  
So I stay waiting in the dark**_

Deeks felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find Mia standing there with the doctor. He could see the sadness on Mia's face and he knew this wasn't going to be good news. He was just hoping Kensi was still alive. He wasn't ready to lose her yet.

"How is she?" Deeks asked.

"She's stable," the doctor said. "She isn't out of the woods yet. She is in need of emergency surgery. We need to contact her next of kin."

"Her mother is out of town," Deeks said. "I've been her partner for the last four years, I know what she would want."

"Unfortunately unless you are next of kin I can't," the doctor say.

"But he is" a voice said. Deeks and Mia turned to see Hetty walking over to them with Callen and Sam behind her. "You will see that Mr. Deeks is listed." The doctor looked at the chart and sees the information.

"Are you Marty Deeks?" the doctor asked.

"Yes," Deeks said.

"Then you need to fill out some paper work," the doctor said.

"You do whatever you have too to save her," Deeks said.

"We will do what we can," the doctor said. He then leads Deeks over to the desk.

* * *

AN: So this one is just Deeks kind of remembering moments with Kensi. So all scenes in italics are flashbacks and belong to CBS/NCISLA. Going to be honest thought about not continuing this and just deleting it, still might. Haven't made up my mind yet. If I do continue this I just want people to know for the whole forgiving issues some might bring up, I'm choosing to use this definition for forgiveness: 'Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.'... the song is Stay With Me by Danity Kane.


	8. Facedown

**Chapter Eight- "Facedown"**

_Eighteen Weeks Ago_.

Kensi walked up to Deeks door, she had heard he had been released from the hospital. She hadn't heard from him or saw him and that worried her. She figured she'd stop by to see how he was doing and if he needed everything. She knocked on the door and a few moments later Deeks opened the door. She could easily tell he hadn't been sleeping, and things were not going well for him.

"What are you doing here Kensi?" Densi said to her, almost as if he was annoyed to see her.

"Wanted to check on my partner," Kensi said to him. "Wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine, so you can go," Deeks said to her.

"You don't seem fine," Kensi said to him. "Look I know… I'm just here as a friend. If you need anything."

"I don't need anything," Deeks snapped.

"Deeks," Kensi said. "You need to talk to someone, or this is going to eat you alive."

"I don't need to do anything. I didn't even ask you to come," Deeks snapped at her. "So why don't you go back to your team and bother other people."

"Deeks," Kensi said. She was trying to understand he was in a bad place, but it was hurting to hear this from him.

"Don't Deeks me," Deeks said to her. "Just leave me alone."

"You don't mean that," Kensi said.

"Go away," Deeks said, before slamming the door. Kensi knew this wasn't Deeks, he was just not dealing with things. Or at least she hoped it wasn't him. It had been sometime and he still was like this. First he refused to talk to her or see anyone and now this. She wanted to knock on the door, but instead she headed to her car dialed Callen and headed back to her place. Once she got to her place Callen was already waiting at the door. She let them both in and closed the door behind her.

"What is going on Kensi?" Callen said.

"I went to see Deeks," Kensi said to him. "I know he's in a bad place, but didn't realize how bad it really was."

"What happened?" Callen said as the walked over to the couch and sat down.

"I don't even think he's slept in weeks, or left his apartment," Kensi said to Callen. "I'm just worried about him."

"We all just need to give Deeks and Sam time," Callen said to her. "Deeks hasn't found a way to deal with things yet. Once he does he won't push you away."

"What if he never does?" Kensi said.

"If he never does, then he's going to fall down into a hole he'll never get out of," Callen said. "We aren't going to let that happen, more importantly Hetty won't let it happen."

"I hope you're right." Kensi said.

"It will be okay, trust that." Callen said to her.

_Two weeks later_. Kensi hadn't heard from Deeks, and Sam had left with his family. Kensi was starting to worry that Deeks was falling into that hole. So she went to Hetty looking to see if there was something could be done to help Deeks. Hetty told her that if Deeks doesn't want help; he's not going to get it. Kensi was determined, so they tried to see if they could set something up to help him. Hetty called Deeks and told him she needed to speak to him and to meet at the boat shed. After waiting two hours Deeks finally showed up. Kensi, Hetty and Nate were all waiting for him.

"I knew I shouldn't have come," Deeks said.

"Deeks wait," Kensi said.

"I bet this was your idea Kensi," Deeks said. "I told you to leave me alone."

"I get that you are hurting but we just want to help you," Kensi said him. "I want my partner back."

"Yeah well he's gone," Deeks said. "I don't need help. You all just wasted your time."

"Deeks you can't continue on this path," Nate said. "Shutting everyone out is only going to hurt you in the end. You are angry, hurting, you need to talk to someone."

"And I suppose it would be you?" Deeks said.

"It doesn't have to be. I can find you someone else," Nate said.

"I'm fine. I don't need to talk to anyone," Deeks said.

"Deeks please don't shut us out… don't shut me out," Kensi said.

"I am figuring this all out on my own, you need to back off," Deeks said.

"We are just worried about you," Hetty said.

"I'm fine. I don't need a babysitter, or a keeper," Deeks said.

"We are not suggesting that you do," Nate said to him. "We just letting you know we are here for you."

"Then go be somewhere else," Deeks said. "I don't need this." Deeks then headed out of the boat shed, Kensi followed behind him. Nate turned to Hetty.

"Deeks is trying to deal with on his own, I do not believe he will be able to do it alone," Nate said. "I will try and talk to him some more. Do not push him; he is already shutting people out. He will need the people around him, I just do not want to see something happen that can't be taken back."

"I will keep that in mind," Hetty said him.

"I will keep you informed," Nate said. "I will speak with Sam again when he returns, but he is doing good."

"I will be sure to let the Director know," Hetty said.

Kensi followed quickly behind Deeks. He reached his car and Kensi stopped him from getting in.

"Deeks look I get it you're not in a good place and you want us to leave you alone," Kensi said to him.

"So why aren't you?" Deeks snapped.

"Because you are my partner," Kensi said. "You wouldn't let me deal with my father killers alone, so I'm not going to let you deal with this alone."

"This isn't the same thing Kensi. They are two completely different things," Deeks said to her.

"Then talk to me about it," Kensi said.

"What don't you get I don't want to talk about it. Not with Nate, not with some doctor and especially not with you," Deeks said. "Why can't you just see that?"

"I refuse to give up on you," Kensi said.

"You should give up," Deeks said. "This person you want me to be, you all expect me to be is gone and he's never coming back."

"We don't expect you to be anyone," Kensi said. "We just want you back."

"The person I was before, that isn't going to happen," Deeks said to her.

"I'm not saying you have to be that same person, but this isn't you," Kensi said. "Please Deeks don't push me away."

"So what you can hold my hand and we can figure out what happens next?" Deeks said. "No thank you."

"Can you stop being a jerk long enough to see I am only trying to help," Kensi said.

"Well I don't want your help. In fact just leave me along," Deeks said to her. "Just get the message that I don't want or need your help. I just want you to leave me alone." Deeks yelled at her before getting in his car. Kensi just stood there watching as his car drove off.

* * *

AN: Trying to show Deeks pushing people away and being that person she was apologizing for in the start of the story. It's only a little part, and wasn't really want I had in visioned, but still posting it. To answer the question someone asked in the review. If you got back a couple chapters it will show you there was a three month jump, then in the next couple it was a jump back in time, and then the next chapter we are back in present time. I mentioned there would be a little going between present time and the past. Good news last time we go back in time, next chapters are in the present. Bad news if I continue this there will be another time jump, this time couple years later.


	9. Too Late

**Chapter Nine- "Too Late"**

_Present Time_.

Deeks paced back and forth, he hadn't really known what to do with himself after the doctor left. It had already been five hours and there was still no word. Though there was work to be done everyone was in the waiting room waiting for news on Kensi. Nell and Eric had come a few hours after Kensi was brought into surgery. Deeks had told himself if Kensi survived this somehow this was all going to be made right. He didn't know how it was going happen, but somehow it was going to be okay. Deeks stopped pacing and walked over to the window. He started staring off into the night.

"_You never ever ever know what the hell you're talking about because you never say what you mean." Kensi said as she got up and stormed off to her bike. She sits down and started to put her helmet back on. Deeks gets up and walked over to her. "It's so frustrating, it's like working with a fourteen…" He cuts her off by pulling her into a kiss. _

"_How's that for communication?" Deeks asks as he pulled away from the kiss. _

Deeks heard footsteps; he looked over to see Callen standing next to him holding a cup of coffee. Callen was the last person he'd see standing next to him. He figured Mia maybe or Hetty, but not Callen. He took the cup from Callen.

"Thanks," Deeks said to him.

"She's going to be fine," Callen said.

"I know she's a fighter," Deeks said to her. "I'm worried she's not going to fight anymore. She's been gone for three months and believes she's lost everything and now… I'm just worried she's going to think there is no reason to fight."

"That isn't who Kensi is," Callen said. "Aren't you the one that said you knew her better then me?"

"Yeah," Deeks said. "And it's why I believe this."

"You can't think like this," Callen said. Before Deeks could respond they heard the others getting up from their chairs. Callen and Deeks turned to see the doctor walking over to them. Deeks walked over to the doctor.

"How is she?" Deeks said.

"She's out of surgery," The doctor said to him.

"They are family, so you can tell too." Deeks said.

"We are going to monitor her and the baby, but she should make a full recovery," The doctor told him.

"I'm sorry could you say that again?" Deeks asked.

"She is going to fine," the doctor said to him, before walking away.

"She told me…" Deeks said.

"Deeks what is going on?" Hetty asked.

"I asked her and she told me," Deeks said not sure how to wrap is mind around this. He turned to the group and they all looked as confused as he was.

"You knew Kensi was pregnant?" Callen asked.

"Yeah," Deeks said to him.

"How long have you known?" Callen asked. "You son of a bitch." Deeks knew Callen had remembered something, possible the fact that Deeks had yelled at him asking if he ever thought about of it affected Kensi.

"She asked me not to say," Deeks said. "I was respecting her wishes."

"And when she vanished without a trace did it ever occur to you to say a damn thing?" Callen snapped at him.

"You are really yelling at me right now?" Deeks snapped back at him. "You have no right to yell at me. It was Kensi's choice not to tell you. She only told me because I asked her if there was anything else, any secrets that could come back."

"So for the last three months you have known this, and known Kensi was running away," Callen said. "How did you walk into work knowing all this?"

"It was easy," Deeks said. "You made it easy."

"Gentlemen," Hetty said finally stepping in. "We are here for a reason. Ms. Blye is still in this hospital, let us no tare each other a part outside her room."

"So did you keep it from me to punish me or just out of spite," Callen said.

"I kept it from you out of respect for a co-worker and friend," Deeks said. "Unlike you I respect the people I care about. It wasn't my place to tell you, so I didn't say anything."

"G back off," Sam said. "I think one of you needs to take a walk."

"I think Sam's right," Mia said jumping in.

"I'll leave," Deeks said before walked out of the waiting area. He was going to just walk around the hospital for a bit maybe get come fresh air, but some how he ended up in front of Kensi's door. He quietly opened the door and headed into the room. He walked over to the chair sitting next to her bed and sat down. "You know it's funny, I never figured myself for the bedside confession type, yet here I am. I care about you Kensi so much; I have for a long time. I don't know how things got so mess up, but they did. Almost losing you made me realize how much everything got screwed up and how much I love you. I just don't know if the good out ways the bad." Deeks started to say to Kensi. He didn't know if she could hear him or not, but he still needed to say it. "I told you that you were the reason I am here, and I meant it, but I think I'm done. I can't do this anymore, I won't do this anymore. We are all just fooling ourselves thinking we can move past this. So after this case I'm done. I will make a promise to find out who did this, but after that I'm going back to LAPD." Deeks said to Kensi. He then got up from his chair and moved closer to Kensi. "Just know I want you to be happy." Deeks then kissed her forehead, before heading out. He turned around one last time. "It's been nice knowing you Fern." Deeks said before he walked out of the room. Deeks then walked back into the waiting room and everyone was still there. Deeks walked over to Hetty. "I am going to find out who did this to Kensi, that is a promise. After that I'm done."

"If this is how you feel," Hetty said. "Then I will respect your wishes."

"I will need everything you have and know about this case," Deeks said to her.

"Understood" Hetty said.

Kensi had slowly come to just as Deeks told her he was going back to LAPD, that he wanted her to be happy and it was nice knowing you Fern. She couldn't help but learns tears fall from her once she knew Deeks was gone. She knew this was the end, the end she desperately was trying to keep from happening. She was only fooling herself thinking things would go back to normal. Things would never be normal again. Not they all just needed to figure out a way to get through this. Kensi then heard a noise she looked over to see Callen walking in. She sat up and watched as he walked over to her bedside.

"The last thing I want to do is upset you," Callen started to say. "I just want to know why you didn't tell me?"

"I wasn't trying to keep it from you forever, I just wanted to wrap my mind around it first," Kensi said to him. "What was supposed to be a couple of days or a week to get my head all figured out turned into months. I found something I hadn't had in a while."

"What was that?" Callen asked.

"Peace, clarity," Kensi started to say. "I was able to think things through. I think I understand why I did this and that it's what I needed to figure out for the most for myself."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Callen asked.

"Yes, I just wasn't sure how," Kensi said. "But I knew it was going to been soon. I'm sorry Callen."

"I'm sorry too Kens," Callen said to her.

* * *

AN: Not really how I thought about the story going, but guess it's where it needs to go. It gives me a new direction to go with, so it might be interesting to see how that goes. So next few chapters might take some time, one have some school projects due and two working out minor details. Possibly another story too. Hoping to have the next chapter up by the end of the week.


	10. Who's Gonna Save Us?

**Chapter Ten- "Who's Gonna Save Us?"**

Deeks walked into the LAPD precinct, it had been almost three years since he had left NCIS. It had taken almost a week to figure out who had been responsible, but somehow they figured it out. Just like Deeks had said he packed up and left. He made sure to say goodbye to Sam, Eric, Nell and Hetty before he left. They all told him to keep in touch and somehow time just got away from them all. Deeks did call Sam ever so often, they two talked about everything but work, that was the one subject they both avoided. When Deeks returned to LAPD hadn't gone back undercover, he had asked for a transfer. They made some calls and Deeks found his way on to the narcotics squad. It was a hard transition at first but after awhile it finally started to work out. Deeks sat at his desk, he hadn't been busy all morning and was waiting for that to change. He then heard a familiar voice; he looked up to see an officer being Kensi who was wearing a tight short skirt, a tight shirt and high-heeled boots, in.

"Look I told you I wasn't really there. He might have been dealing, but I didn't know. I swear," Deeks heard the familiar voice say in a very poor accent. He looked up to see an officer being Kensi who was wearing a tight short skirt, a tight shirt and high-heeled boots, in.

"Detective Deeks I believe this one belongs to you," the officer said as he brought Kensi over.

"How do you figure that?" Deeks asked him.

"She was found at Morelli's compound," The Officer said. "Is that not your case?"

"That is so thank you Officer," Deeks said. He then got up from his desk and moved closer to Kensi and the officer.

"I'm completely innocent," Kensi said.

"You and the rest of Morelli's girls," Detective Flynn said.

"Can it Flynn," Deeks snapped. He then turned back to the Officer. "I've got it from here."

"If you say so," the Officer said. He then undid Kensi cuffs and handed her off to Deeks before walking away.

"You going to need some back up Deeks?" Flynn asked.

"I think I can handle this one," Deeks said. He then led Kensi towards the interrogation. He made sure to pick the one in the far back, that no one uses. He didn't want anything to ease drop on their conversation. Once he closed the door he turned to face Kensi. "What are you doing here Kensi?"

"The names Tiffany," Kensi said to him. "I'm undercover. I worked my way unto Morelli's life and into his organization. Things were going good until LAPD comes busting in. I can't go and say I'm a federal agent in front of these people, it blow my cover and get me killed. So the only thing I could do was let them arrest me."

"Are you crazy?" Deeks said. "I know I don't have a right to know, I'm not part of that team anymore." Deeks said. He never thought he'd be here with Kensi all these years later. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but since you are on the case. The bust was bound to happen, we have been casing his house for weeks now. Morelli is a major player and we took the opportunity to him out. Wait wait the raid was happing tomorrow night?"

"It wasn't really a raid, a group of cops come busting into the place and whoever happen to be there got arrest," Kensi said to him.

"This screws up everything, I have been working months to get this guy," Deeks said.

"And I've been under for six month," Kensi said. "I swear NCIS, FBI and LAPD need to talk more, because if I had one more week I would have been able to take him down."

"You've been undercover for six month? How did you end up on that case?" Deeks asked her.

"It started out as a Marine killed in an care accident, but when the autopsy results came in it showed he had high levels of Methamphetamine in his system. His ex-wife says he's not a drug user that he's a Marine through and through. We retraced his steps and it landed it at The Vault," Kensi started to explain to him.

"The new night club, that just opened nine months ago," Deeks said.

"Yeah that one," Kensi said. "When we looked into the club, turns out the owner Mickey Andre has connections to Morelli. Not to mention this would be the fifth overdose connected to the club. We looked into Morelli some more and found out not only his drug trafficking, but we believe he's helping fund a new terrorist group," Kensi continued to explain. "So I went in undercover trying to be Morelli's type to catch his eye. Figured if I had my foot in the door I could work my way out."

"So that makes you Morelli's girl? Or is it girl number 7?" Deeks said.

"It's not like that," Kensi said. "I got the chance to prove myself when someone tried to kill him. I ended up saving his life, not because I saw it coming, but because I didn't want to see him die. Because of this I moved up from being… look what it is isn't important. Just know that at first he wouldn't say a thing when I was around, now he won't stop talking. I almost had a name or a location. He had me come over to talk about something, but when I got there he wasn't there, but one of his guys was and then your detectives comes in and arrest us all."

"You are sure Morelli it's on to you?" Deeks asked her.

"If Morelli was on to me, I'd be dead already." Kensi said.

"Okay, so why isn't Hetty here or someone backing you up?" Deeks asked her.

"I'm sure Hetty will show up after I'm booked. Maybe pull some strings to get me release or keep me here so they don't think I'm a cop," Kensi said to him. "As for back up, I went in without it."

"Seriously Callen and Sam let you go in without one of them?" Deeks said.

"No," Kensi said.

"Then why don't you have back up?" Deeks asked.

"After you left Director Vance came down hard on us all… okay came down on Callen, Hetty and I. He gave us all a choice transfer or leave. Sam chose to leave and spend time with his family. Callen…. Well let's just say we had a falling out. He transferred to the Red Team, so he's bee helping them out. I'm still with Hetty."

"How… What…" Deeks started to say. "It's none of my business. Forget I asked."

"No it's fine," Kensi said. "Director Vance said one of us could stay with Hetty, we all agreed it should be Sam. Why should he be punished when he wasn't even involved, but Sam said he rather spend more time with his family. He put his papers in; we gave him a goodbye party. After that Callen said he'd go help out the Red Team. Paris and Him got along, so I guess he figured it be a good fit. For me I guess just luck of a draw."

"So about…." Deeks said not really sure how to ask the question.

"Look can you just book me or process me out," Kensi said. Deeks could see she was trying to change the subject. He knew that meant she was hiding something. "I shouldn't be in here any longer."

"Yeah" Deeks said. He then walked over to Kensi. She stood up and he cuffed her hands behind her back. He then walked her over to the door. He opened and the two started to head towards booking.

"You can't be serious," Kensi snapped at him. "Look I told you I don't know anything, I was just visiting."

"Keep walking," Deeks said lightly pushing her forward.

"I'm going to have your badge for this," Kensi said. "You can keep me here all night, but I'm not going to tell you any different." Deeks then undid her cuffs and placed her in the box.

"Shut up, you had your chance," Deeks said to her. "Looks like you rather spend the rest of you life in jail."

"Wait wait, I'm sure you can work out some deal," Kensi said trying to sweet talk him.

"I don't deal with people like you," Deeks said before walking away. He walked back over to his desk.

"She's a feisty one," Detective Flynn said.

"Shut up Flynn," Deeks said.

"Give me 15 minutes with her and she'll tell you everything you need to know," He said to her.

"And I'm sure she'll report you for harassment," Deeks said. "Let her be."

"Whatever," He said.

"Hey Flynn," Deeks said.

"Yes," Detective Flynn said.

"Cover for me, I have somewhere I need to be," Deeks said before heading out of the precinct.

Deeks headed down the bar where Hetty had manage to find him on his last undercover case before fully joining NCIS as the LAPD Liaison. He knew it would be safe to meet there and he needed to talk to Hetty. He was just hoping she would be willing to speak to him. When he got there he walked in and to the bar and Hetty was already sitting down at the table. He walked over and sat down across from her.

"What can I do for you Mr. Deeks?" Hetty questioned him.

"How deep is Kensi?" Deeks asked.

"I am afraid I don't know what you are talking about?" Hetty said to him.

"The Morelli case, how deep is she?" Deeks questioned again.

"The Morelli case," Hetty said. Deeks could see she either way hiding something or really didn't know. "I pulled Kensi out of that two months ago."

"Then why was she just arrested with Morelli's men?" Deeks asked.

"That can't be possible," Hetty said. "We handed the Morelli case over to the FBI."

"Kensi said she was working the Morelli case and was close to getting the Intel she needed before LAPD raided the place," Deeks said.

"I assure you Mr. Deeks that case is no longer ours," Hetty said to him. "I do not know what Ms. Blye is doing, but it is not one of ours."

"This doesn't make sense," Deeks said. "We got wind of Morelli three months ago, we've been trying to get him for a while. So why has no one said anything about him on FBI radar?" Deeks then remember Kensi saying this is why cops and federal agents need to talk to one another.

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty questioned.

"You have no other cases right?" Deeks asked.

"We do not," Hetty said. "Do you believe this is something going on?"

"I believe there is," Deeks said. "I think it has to do with Narcotics."

* * *

AN: Wasn't going to post this until a bit later in the week, but got some free time and figured I'd get it up. I was originally going to write a couple chapters of finding out who hit Kensi, but the idea in my head feel apart. I have moved past it and now we are three years in the future.


	11. Staring At It

**Chapter Eleven - "Staring At It"**

"What do you believe this has to do with Narcotics?" Hetty asked him. Hetty and Deeks had moved from the bar back to Hetty's desk at the OSP. Deeks had asked if they could go somewhere no one could over hear.

"I am hoping I'm wrong," Deeks started to say. "I think maybe Morelli has a man on the inside. My team and I were supposed to raid Morelli's compound tomorrow night, but two detectives bust the place this morning. It doesn't make sense."

"You believe someone informed him?" Hetty asked him.

"I don't know what to think," Deeks said. "I've been with these people for the last three years, wouldn't I have seen something?"

"Are you sure you haven't?" Hetty asked him.

"What is that supposed to me?" Deeks asked.

"How can you know for sure you haven't seen something, you might not know you saw it," Hetty said to him.

"So I'm supposed to try and remember three years worth of stuff," Deeks said. "I didn't even want to be transferred to Narcotics to begin with. Which is why I was." Deeks said slowly putting it all together. "I was put in Narcotics because someone believes cops are on the take?"

"I did not say that," Hetty said to him.

"You didn't have to say it," Deeks said. "So does that mean this whole set up with the raid wasn't a raid, but a way to get Kensi in to the LAPD?"

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty said.

"No," Deeks said as he got up from his chair. "So was this whole thing Kensi's idea or yours? Was that story about the team true?"

"This was Bates idea," Hetty said to him. "I informed him about your decision to leave NCIS and suggested to give you something more then just another job. He informed me he had something. This story I am not aware of it."

"Bates? I knew I should have challenged his need for me to be transferred to Narcotics," Deeks said.

"We knew if we told you, you would not be for it," Hetty said to him.

"You're damn right. I just wanted to go back to the life I had before…" Deeks said. "I don't need this. I just need to go back to…"

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty said to him. "I am not trying to force you back into the liaison position, I would not do that. I did not want to see you back in the position you did not enjoy. You may not believe it, but I am just looking out for you."

"Is the team really gone?" Deeks said.

"Mr. Hanna has chosen to spend time with his family, Mr. Callen has joined the Red Team," Hetty said to him. Confirming what Kensi said. "Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones are still here."

"And Kensi?" Deeks asked.

"She has been through a lot, but she has continued to work here," Hetty said. "It has been a long road… for us all."

"I did what … It was the right thing to do," Deeks said to her.

"I never said it wasn't," Hetty said.

"She made her choice, I made mine," Deeks said.

"I am not here to tell you, you were wrong," Hetty said to her.

"How is she doing?" Deeks asked. He knew he really didn't have a right to ask and didn't think she should. He just really wanted to know.

"She would tell you she is fine," Hetty started to say.

"But she's not," Deeks said.

"I should not be telling you this, you should really talk to her," Hetty said.

"She avoiding the subject and from what you are saying she'd say things are fine," Deeks said. "I walked away because I couldn't be around anymore, but it doesn't mean I stop caring about her. I want to know she's okay and happy."

"You should talk to her," Hetty said.

"I will, after this case," Deeks said. "But I can't do this alone and neither can Kensi."

"She isn't alone," Hetty said. "She has the team behind her."

"I'm sure they are fine agents, but this isn't just any undercover assignment," Deeks said. "She needs proper backup. She needs the team."

"That is not possible Mr. Deeks," Hetty said.

"Look if Morelli is everything I have heard about him, then if he finds out Kensi is a cop or a federal agent, he's going to kill her no questions ask," Deeks said to her. "I don't know what she's done with this new team, but if I was her I'd want the people I trust my life with. Those people are Callen, Sam, Eric and Nell."

"And you?" Hetty said.

"I'm talking Agents," Deeks said avoiding the statement. "You talk to Granger, you talk to Director Vance, you talk to whoever you need to, but you get them back."

"Is that an order Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked.

"I wouldn't do that." Deeks said.

"Even if I could get Director Vance to agree, what makes you so sure they would all come back?" Hetty asked.

"Because…" Deeks started to say. "It's Kensi."

"Look I already told that other detective that I didn't know anything," Kensi said to Detective Flynn, as he brought her to an interrogation room.

"And I'm not going to ask you about Morelli," Flynn said to her. He cuffed her hand to the table and then walked over and closed the door. He turned back to Kensi and sat down in the seat that was across the table from her. "I just want to know what you were doing at his compound?"

"Which will lead you to asking me about Morelli," Kensi said. "I know nothing about."

"I know you are Deeks case, but I'm sure I could help him out by charging you with prostitution. Why else would you be at Morelli's compound? I have heard he likes them tall skinny and brunette," Flynn said to her. "What do I know, I'm just a cop looking to take down Morelli."

"You and I both know you couldn't do that," Kensi said to him.

"What? Take down Morelli?" Flynn said. "I can and I will. Next time you see him you can tell him that."

"I meant charge me with prostitution," Kensi said. "There are not grounds, and unless you plan on making up charges we are done here. I believe I have the right to remain silent now."

"You know an awful lot about the law," Flynn said.

"I watch a lot of crime shows, you know Law and Order, CSI," Kensi said hoping he'd by it. "You can say I'm a crime fighter by TV."

"I'll wait till your lawyer gets here," Flynn said. He started to get up when the door opened. As the person walked in Kensi's couldn't help but be shocked. The last person she ever expect to show up was Sam and as her lawyer.

"No need, I'm here," Sam said. He closed the door and walked over to Kensi.

"What is my client being charged with," Sam said.

"She arrested at Morelli's compound," Flynn said. "She is either working for him or with him."

"What is my client being charged with?" Sam asked again.

"We haven't gotten anything yet, we are holding her for 48 hours," Flynn said. Then the door opened again and in walked Deeks.

"Seriously Flynn, I leave for two hours and you try and take over my case," Deeks said. "You passed on the Morelli case, you said it was a lost cause. It's my lost cause."

"She knows something Deeks, I know it," Flynn said.

"I'll find it out," Deeks said. "Vanessa is here to see you, it's call girl Tuesday."

"Not funny Deeks," Flynn said. He then left the room. Deeks turned back to Sam and Kensi.

"If you are not charging my client, I think we are done here." Sam said to Deeks.

"She was found at the house of a known drug trafficker. Does she want to explain this?" Deeks asked.

"I happened to be going over for a party he was hosting," Kensi said to him. "It was on the up and up."

"Nothing is on the up and up with Morelli," Deeks said. "We do have no legal grounds to hold you."

"Good can I take my client home?" Sam asked him. Deeks walked over to Kensi and undid the cuffs.

"Don't leave town," Deeks said.

"Why would I leave?" Kensi said.

"Lets go Tiffany," Sam said. Him and Kensi headed out of Interrogation and out of the precinct.

* * *

An: Will most likely be deleting this. Maybe will rewrite and bring back.


	12. Shattered Glass

**Chapter Twelve- "Shattered Glass"**

"Are you kidding me Kensi?" Sam snapped at her. After they left LAPD, Sam brought Kensi back to the boat shed. This way the two could talk and no one could over hear them.

"I'm doing my job Sam," Kensi said back to him.

"So death wishes are your job now?" Sam snapped again. "Because from what I have heard it's just about the only cases you seem to take. You need to stop punishing yourself Kensi."

"Callen he ratted me out didn't he?" Kensi said. "I am not punishing myself. Whatever Callen told you is a lie or what he wants to believe. He thinks just because he's falling apart I should be too."

"You should be," Sam said.

"How I deal with it is my business," Kensi said.

"And if it get you killed or your team killed then it's everyone business," Sam said.

"I'm still standing," Kensi said.

"Barely," Sam said. "I was there Kensi you don't have to act like everything is okay."

"Nothing is okay, nothing will ever be okay," Kensi said to him. "But we need to move on and continue with our lives. We didn't stop working when you left."

"Pushing yourself into your work isn't helping anyone," Sam said. "Have you even talked to anyone? Nate or someone else."

"If one more person tells me to talk to a professional, I'm going to scream," Kensi snapped.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea," a voice said. Sam and Kensi turned to see Callen walking into the boat shed.

"What do you know," Kensi said bitterly. "You hopped on the plane the minute Director Vance gave you the chance."

"That is not true," Callen said.

"Really because I remember being alone and scared," Kensi said as tears were starting to form in her eyes. "And you…." Kensi said and then stopped. She pulled herself together and looked at them both. "What are you two doing here anyways?"

"That would be my doing Ms. Blye," Hetty said as she walked into the room with Deeks following behind her.

"Deeks," Kensi said shocked.

"What is going on?" Sam asked.

"It is suspected there are some dirty cops in Narcotics," Deeks started to say. "Bates, Hetty and I believe that Morelli has some cops on his pay role."

"This case was about Morelli and finding out who he was helping," Kensi said.

"The case is much bigger then that Ms. Blye," Hetty said.

"Kensi is already undercover with Morelli and I believe she needed the right back up," Deeks said.

"How'd you even know we'd come?" Sam asked.

"You've both known Kensi longer then I have, I had to believe you heard she was in trouble and you'd come," Deeks said.

"It was a risky bet," Sam said. "But worth the risk, it paid off."

"I am willing to put everything in the past behind me so we can worked together and solve this case," Deeks said.

"Something things just can't be put behind us," Kensi said before walking away from the team. Deeks started to go, but Callen stop him.

"Let her go, this isn't about you," Callen said.

"This is about her," Deeks said. He pushed past Callen and headed out of the boat shed. He walked over to Kensi. "It's almost like we've been here before."

"Almost," Kensi said. "But this time when it's over you'll be gone and there will be nothing left."

"What do you mean?" Deeks asked her.

"You don't work for NCIS anymore, we haven't spoken in three years," Kensi said to him. "I don't know how to do this, you me and act like it's just to co-workers."

"Is this really about me?" Deeks asked. "Or is this about Callen?"

"Why would this be about Callen?" Kensi asked.

"What happened Kensi?" Deeks asked her.

"Like I said Vance came down hard on the team, Sam left to be with his family. Callen, he chose to go to the Red Team," Kensi started to say to him. "When he told me I went off on him. I didn't understand how he could just up and leave like that you know. I was mad at him, but I think I was madder at myself then anything else. Not long after that I lost the baby," Kensi told him trying to me strong. "The doctor told me it wasn't my fault, all that stuff they're required to say."

"Kensi I'm so sorry," Deeks said to her.

"Sam was there for me, him and Michelle they helped out." Kensi said to him. "My doctor told me it be a good idea to talk to someone, Sam said it and Hetty tried to get Nate to talk to me. I couldn't do it. So when I was all healed from the hit and run, I went back to work. I needed to be productive again."

"So you haven't talk to anyone?" Deeks asked her.

"No," Kensi said. "I'm fine."

"Yeah you sure looked fine in there with Sam and Callen," Deeks said. "You might be fine, but you're not good."

"To tell you the truth I don't even know why Callen is here," Kensi said.

"Because of the falling out?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah," Kensi said. "Like I said I got mad at him for up and leaving. It wasn't until after I lost the baby that I found out Callen didn't really leave. He was helping the Red Team out, but he had plans to come back to L.A. as much as possible. He didn't want his child growing up like he did. I don't blame him," Kensi explained to him. "When Callen finally got back, it was after I was back at work. He had a big case and couldn't get away or that's what he said. I believe Sam told him. Callen was not happy with me. He didn't like the fact I jumped back into work the first chance I got, he didn't like the fact I wasn't dealing with the loss. We ended up in the big fight and really haven't spoken since."

"So this is the first time you've talked in three years?" Deeks asked.

"Pretty much," Kensi said. "Callen's been keeping tabs on me. He has been telling Sam that I seem to have a death wish. That I am punishing myself for the loss and diving into dangerous cases I know I could end up dead."

"When you have anything left, you dive into what you have," Deeks said. "It means he still cares about you, worries about you. He doesn't want to see you dead either."

"Either?" Kensi said.

"Hetty, she doesn't want to see you dead," Deeks said quickly covering.

"Well I can tell Hetty and Callen there is nothing to worry about, I'm…" Kensi started to say.

"Fine" Deeks said finishing her sentence. "The more you tell yourself the more you start to think it and soon you start to believe it. There will come a day when you realize you aren't fine, you haven't been fine in a long time. I think that is what we... they are all worried about."

"I've gotten this far," Kensi said. She then brought her hands up and wiped away the tears. "I'm not backing down now. If we want to take him down we are going to do it right." Kensi then walked past Deeks and back into the boat shed, Deeks followed behind. "I'm good. So lets take down this guy."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked.

"She's good," Deeks said walking over to the table.

"Good," Hetty said. "Eric and Nell were just briefing Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna on the case."

"So where do we start?" Callen asked.

"We find out who the dirty cop is and that will lead us right to Morelli," Deeks said. "I think I know how to do it. There is a raid happening tomorrow night, only I haven't told anyone yet."

"Are you suggesting screwing up your own raid?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Deeks said. "We let everyone know about the raid, whoever is on Moreill's pay role will inform him about it."

"It can't be done in less then 24 hours," Callen said.

"It can," Deeks said. "There is a poker night tonight with the guys who work in Narcotics. I've never gone, but thinking of maybe stopping by."

"Won't they know something's up?" Kensi asked.

"Flynn's been trying to get me to go to that game for months," Deeks said. "Trust me I can bullshit my way into it without anyone questioning me. I can get in talk to the guys; maybe drop the raid in the conversation. It is going to be a topic they'll want to discuss. If Morelli's gets tipped off then we know it's one of them."

"How can you be so sure they won't make you?" Sam asked.

"I've worked with them for three years now," Deeks said. "I might not like the guys, but we still watch each others back. If one of them is working for Morelli's there is no way he's going to suspect that I already know and waiting to take him down."

"Lets play it this way," Kensi said. "I still have to meet Morelli later tonight, so I will know if he gets the call."

"I still don't think this is a good plan," Callen said. "But will follow your lead."

"Good because I have to get back. If they notice I'm gone to long then they'll suspect," Deeks said. "You do what you need to do from your end and I'll do what I need." Deeks said before he left.

"Mr. Hanna if you would," Hetty said a she started to head for the door. Sam nodded and headed out with her.

"You can avoiding all you want, but we will have to talk at some point," Callen said to Kensi.

"So you can yell at me some more?" Kensi said. "Tell me I'm doing everything wrong, that I'm not dealing with things. No thank you." Kensi said and then turned to walk away. Callen quickly moved over and grabbed her arm to atop her.

"You don't get to walk away," Callen said.

"Like you did?" Kensi said s she pulled her arm away from Callen.

"I didn't walk away," Callen said.

"Really? You told me you'd be there and you didn't want your child to grow up like you did and then you go and take a position with the Red Team?" Kensi snapped at him. "How is that fair to me, to your child?"

"It's not," Callen said. "I never planed on staying with them."

"But Paris changed your mind didn't she," Kensi said. "Just be thankful I didn't tell Deeks the truth. He doesn't need to know what really happened."

"I didn't walk away from you Kensi," Callen said.

"You sure as hell didn't stick around," Kensi said. "I have somewhere to be, I suggest you go too." Kensi said before leaving the boat shed, leaving Callen behind.

* * *

AN: Here it is the last chapter I wrote for this story, but not the last chapter of the story. Just giving you the last chapter because this weekend I am taking this one down and putting up the rewritten one. So for those who enjoyed it, I thank you. Thank you to everyone who favorited the story or followed it. Hopefully you'll enjoy the rewritten one as well.


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